Everybody breathes. Just like everybody poops, which is that really bizarre book from the nineties or something. So, breathing and spooning kind of go hand in hand in a very natural way, like peanut butter and jelly, or Bert and Ernie. It just makes sense.
This post is going to focus on the big spoon, because the little spoon can pretty much breathe however he/she wants and no one can give a damn because he/she is not breathing directly near somebody else's body.
It has come to my attention that a big no-no is mouth breathing while being the big spoon. Nobody likes a mouth breather. And sure as I've said that, somebody probably has some bizarre mouth breathing fetish (if some people have that fetish involving glue and frogs - NOT ME EW - I'm sure a mouth breathing fetishist is out there), but most people find somebody holding them close and breathing out of their mouth and into their hair/neck pretty gosh darn gross.
It's kind of like Darth Vader being your big, black plastic spoon. Just imagine, he's holding you close on some celestial starship, and it's nice, right? It's been a long day in the galaxy far far away and a little spooning is just what you need. And then all of a sudden you feel the creepy breaths out of his triangle shaped mouth piece on the back of your neck, and your spine pretty much freezes in sheer horror due to the utter grossness. At that point, Jar Jar Binx might be a preferable option. This is a problem.
So, don't be a mouth breather. It's gross. Breathe through your nose, and breathe normally. Just don't think about it.
However, now that I've said that, there's just a leeeeeetle problem. Thinking about your breathing makes you breathe in strange ways. This random German play by Peter Hanke from the 60's talks a lot about that, just in case you wanted to know. Think of it this way, it's like I told you not to think of a pink elephant. What're you probably thinking about? Some sort of glorious pink pachyderm. And if you're me, then you're imagining it tap dancing in a tutu. You know you're jealous. Essentially, you're probably a little more conscious of your breathing right now than you would usually be simply because I've told you NOT to focus on it so much. So basically, just try to keep it real. If you catch yourself as a big spoon mouth breathing, adjust.
But what if you're sick? Then ask if you can be the little spoon for convenience's sake. You could probably use the sheer comfort of being surrounded if you're physically ailing anyways. Being a sick little spoon can be very comforting. It's like chicken noodle soup, but you're your own spoon, delivering your own comfort all over your body! Okay, weird metaphor. I'm a little out of it due to some intensive tickles that are happening right now as I write.
So, some nice things about breathing. I thought I'd mix it up a little, since I've been a little bit of a breathing pedant tonight. You can do pretty fun things with your breath by breathing in different ways, especially once you get to know your little spoon. Some people have particularly sensitive backs of their necks or sensitive ears. However, this tends to get pretty intimate pretty quickly. Unless you don't want to get to sporking (or subsequently to forking), this may not be the best idea. But if you're particularly close to your little spoon, you can always experiment. Or if you really feel like getting crazy, you could ask them what they like! I know, crazy concept right - actually talking with your fellow snuggle utensil about their preferences.
Anyways, breathing is good! Do it while spooning! But not in a weird way.
Happy spooning!
You know what they say about spooning....it usually leads to forking....lol, keep up the awesome blog, Aubree!!
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